seamhead

Sammy Sosa hit #600 (homers, of course), which is only good in that it beat the Cubs, and in showcasing how steroids dilutes the sport. In related news, the once strong US dollar continues to lose value.

Anyways. Speaking of baseball and money, and the All-Star Game not too far away, I found diversion in trying to come up with the best 25-man roster, using the talent pool from each of MLB's divisions (so, the best roster based on the AL Central, NL Central, etc.). By the "best" roster, I mean trying to actually build a roster like a GM should. So this means picking backup middle infielders, having enough lefthanded relievers in the bullpen, and having an players who can actually field their positions (which is not a consideration in fantasy baseball). Some players are shifted around on defense, but not into a position where he would hurt the team (no putting Jim Thome back at 3b where he used to play).

I'll just put the AL Central, since I don't think anyone else cares about the other divisions. 14 position players, 11 pitchers, as most MLB rosters are. Just for kicks, I put in 2007 salaries.

AL Central - best 25 man roster

pos, name, team hitters C - Mauer, Min 1b - Morneau, Min 2b - Polanco, Det 3b - Inge, Det SS - Guillen, Det LF - Sizemore, Cle CF - Hunter, Min RF - Ordonez, Det DH - Sheffield, Det bench C - Martinez, Cle 3b/RF - Blake, Cle 2b/SS - Uribe, Chi OF - Granderson, Det 1b/DH - Thome, Chi pitchers SP - Santana, Min (L) SP - Bonderman, Det SP - Verlander, Det SP - Sabathia, Cle (L) SP - Buehrle, Chi (L) RP - Nathan, Min RP - Jenks, Chi RP - Neshek, Min RP - Peralta, KC RP - Betancourt, Cle RP - Carmona, Cle

salaries (in $ millions) 3,750,000 4,500,000 4,600,000 4,900,000 5,000,000 916,667 12,000,000 13,200,000 10,916,071 3,200,000 3,750,000 4,150,000 410,000 15,666,667 13,000,000 4,500,000 1,030,000 8,750,000 9,500,000 5,250,000 450,000 395,000 400,500 840,000 387,500 total $131,462,405

Notes: 1. Hunter over Sizemore in CF because of the better arm.
2. This division has no decent lefty relievers. For goodness' sake.

The best that the AL Central can offer tops a whopping $131mm, which, even more strangely, would only place it 3rd in all of MLB in payroll, behind the Yankee$ and the Red $ox. The average payroll in MLB is right around $84mm.

Obviously, a great team can cost a lot of money. So, what would a "best" roster culled from the AL Central look like if forced to stay under the $84mm cap? Still a contender?

pos, name, team hitters C - Mauer, Min 1b - Morneau, Min 2b - Barfield, Cle 3b - Inge, Det SS - Peralta, Cle LF - Cuddyer, Min CF - Sizemore, Cle RF - Ordonez, Det DH - Sheffield, Det bench C - Buck, KC 3b/RF - Teahen, KC 2b/SS - Bartlett, Min OF - Granderson, Det 1b/DH - Garko, Cle pitchers SP - Santana, Min (L) SP - Bonderman, Det SP - Verlander, Det SP - Sabathia, Cle (L) SP - Carmona, Cle RP - Nathan, Min RP - Jenks, Chi RP - Neshek, Min RP - Peralta, KC RP - Betancourt, Cle RP - Soria, KC

salaries (in $ millions) 3,750,000 4,500,000 395,800 4,900,000 1,000,000 3,575,000 916,667 13,200,000 10,916,071 440,000 416,000 405,000 410,000 383,100 13,000,000 4,500,000 1,030,000 8,750,000 387,500 5,250,000 450,000 395,000 400,500 840,000 380,000 total $80,590,638

As usual, the cost cuts came in the form of backups and relievers who tended to be cheap, younger players. The bulk of the cost was the starting rotation, and big bats having big years.

I am digging the new White Stripes and the new National. Happy Friday.

cowboys

Nothing quites makes praying feel more efficacious than when someone is dying. You tend to pay more attention to words that you normally gloss over.

Saw the new trailer for "3:10 to Yuma" a cowboy flick with Russell Crowe and Christian Bale.



Which looks just as good, if not better, than Crowe's other cowboy movie, the lesser known but surprisingly watchable "The Quick and the Dead" (1995).



My top 10 cowboy movies of all time? Cowboy movies seem to have died off, for the time being.

1. The Magnificent Seven - You can't really lose with Yul Brynner, can you?
2. Tombstone - James hated it when I kept saying every quote every time we watched this.
3. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - with the seminal cowboy soundtrack of all time.
4. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
5. Pale Rider
6. Unforgiven
7. High Plains Drifter
8. The Outlaw Josey Wales - I'm more of a Clint Eastwood guy than a John Wayne guy.
9. Rio Bravo
10. Shane

The last "cowboy" movie of note is "Brokeback Mountain," which I think is indicative of the genre being a little stale. Really hasn't been very many, let alone good, cowboy movies lately. "The Missing?" "Open Range?" "Shanghai Noon?" The nice thing about "3:10" is that it looks like it'll stay within the boundaries of the genre, namely, dudes with funny hats, six shooters, mustaches, horses, whiskey.

prayers for the dying

Go forth, Christian soul, from this world
in the name of God the almighty Father, who created you,
in the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, who suffered for you,
in the name of the Holy Spirit, who was poured out upon you,
May you live in peace this day,
may your home be with God in Zion,
with Mary, the virgin Mother of God,
with Joseph and all the angels and saints.

i miss hawaii

"View from the 9th floor," 4/29/07, Waikiki Beach.

i need something to do

... because Mass and praying the liturgy of the hours, does not take all day. Still waiting on assignments from school as to what I'll be teaching next year, which spells out having a lot of free time on my hands. I'll admit, I've wasted a bit catching up on my crappy baseball team (on which I will not spend any of the money I don't have), going to the library to nap, sleeping in all the rooms of the house again because my room still feels too weird, burning DVDs of the photos we took on the tour (3+ GBs worth), and watching youtube vids of Premier League soccer, which just ended. To those of you who don't know, meet Dimitar Berbatov:



Anyway. I think I need to chew some more on the nubs of the little writing assignments I left off. The Poker story. The Project. Maybe a travelogue of what we did for 4 months, for posterity's sake. Or maybe I'll put it off and go watch the next installment of Sequel Summer, which allegedly has been getting better reviews than some of the previous installments:

oh yeah... blogging

Back home, and back to the slight awkwardness of trying to answer questions like "how was your trip?" Not that I mind the questions, but it's still hard to answer, succinctly. I just went through the photos we took on the trip (more than 3 GBs worth) and over the MAX2007 blog, and it's a lot, but at the same time, it seems like it wasn't all that long ago that we were starting. Time is far more elastic than you think, yah?

Anyways. I think these photos are among my favs:

Missy singing one of her originals to her grandmother. A very human moment of one person sharing with another.

Jun really loves crawfish.

On Jurassic Park, er, Hilo, on the volcano tour.

Most Reverend Thomas Collins, Archbishop of Toronto, signing our cross, with all the names of the kids on it. Very personable guy; has the feel of the next door neighbor you like, or a favorite uncle.

Here's a little synopsis that Cow, self-proclaimed youngest and hairiest team member, wrote on our month-long jaunt into Toronto:

In February of this year, a small team of young adults from all across our beloved continent came together in the wilds of Los Angeles, California with the humble hope of taking over the world for Our Lady as soon as possible. And thus was formed the mighty Max007 team, which gets its name from our founding saint (Always a good way to start an organization!) Maximilian Kolbe and of course this year of Our Lord: 2007.

We've spent the last four months on the road, driving all around the United States (including that envy-causing little state made up of the Hawaiian islands) and spending the entire month of May staying here in the mighty metropolis of Toronto and all the towns and areas around it, giving retreats and talks and hanging out with the youth and trying out hardest to make sure every one of them knows the message that Pope Benedict XVI wants to share with them.

First of all we let the message that God is love, be firmly known. The Holy Father asks us youth this year to "Love one another as [Christ] has loved you." God is not a huge angry old man who is just itching to catch you breaking the rules and send you packing into eternal suffering. God really is Love. Christ gave up everything in the hope that we would be able to be loved and love more deeply.

The faith and the whole of being Catholic is about love as well, and to really get anything out of being Catholic, we all have to be willing to join in that love, and really take interest and ownership of our faith. As the Militia Immaculata, we know that the best example of Christianity is that given by Mary, and so we entrust ourselves to her care and her direction to help us follow and suffer with Christ when necessary.

Through our missionary work we were blessed to be able to follow in that sacrifice in our own meager ways, as we gave up jobs, universities, our friends and families, and came here to Canada to help the teens and young adults here. The whole month we stayed wherever we could, in the basements and spare rooms of whoever could help us, and ate when we had food.

As for the events themselves, they all went beautifully. We went to parishes, prayer groups, youth groups, Catholic schools, and met with all kinds of remarkable and holy people, including Archbishop Thomas Collins and Msgr. Robert Nusca, who is both the rector of St. Augustine Seminary and the spiritual director of the MI in Canada.

When the team first arrived here in Toronto, there were less than a dozen adults who were actively involved and interested in the MI…and several of those people were already on the team. As we leave this beautiful city, the number has been bolstered dozens of times over, due mainly to the enthusiasm of the young people. It has been said on occasion that the youth are the Church of the Future.

That is wrong.

The young people are the Church of right now. Youth are the ones on the front lines, the ones who can love the world from the inside out, the ones who know that joy is worthy fighting for. The Max007 team worked hard to minister to the youth. But the youth are the ones who are ministering to us. Thank you all for such a fantastic experience in Canada.

You guys pray for us, and we'll be praying for all the people we got to meet during this month. God bless you!

And now, back to "ordinary" time.

keeping a promise to caroline

...because I said that I would mention the folk artist that I ran into down in Ponchatoula.

Let me back up.

First, a few friends and I had been told about this hermitish folk artist, a painter, who happened to live in the same town we were staying, by someone who caught us admiring some of the art that was hanging up on the wall.

His name is Bill Hemmerling, and he's quite a treat to talk to. He was nice enough to chat with us for about an hour and a half, show us around his studio, talk about God, life, and art (to me, which I will forever remember and appreciate. He encouraged me to write as much as possible, and to find that place in myself to be original, because there's no point in being somebody else telling somebody else's story. Thanks Bill).

His painting have something soulful and beautiful, a fullness that isn't necessarily apparent from the surface. Some people, I hear, dislike the faceless quality of the figures (almost always of black people) that he paints, but he says he has them remain faceless because he wants to represent a kind of universality. The universality being the dignity, the grace, and the beauty of people, especially black people.


He has a series of paintings with the same figure, called "Sweet Olive." She is long, lean, and graceful, and Bill says he paints her that way because growing up, he saw that black people had always been represented in negative ways, so he wanted to paint them in a way that was beautiful, in some sort of classical way.

Bill himself is very gentle, calm, childlike. Despite his humble appearance, he is articulate, sympathetic, aware of the world. His publicist handles the sales, freeing him to paint and live his solitary lifestyle. He paints, feeds his dog and his cat, meets with people who like his paintings, hanging in the back gallery of a furniture store. Who knew you could find this stuff in a small town in Louisiana?

I almost, rashly, put some money down on one of his originals, which would definitely have put me in some kind of ridiculous financial hole, but... it sure felt like it'd be worth it, before I came to my senses. Maybe, just maybe, I can have one of those hanging on my wall one day, now that it looks like I'll be able to support myself.

Also, Blades of Glory? Totally ridiculous.

easter + baseball

"Resurrection," Piero della Francesca, 1463

"Christ has offered one single sacrifice for sins, and then taken his place forever, at the right hand of God, where he is now waiting until his enemies are made into a footstool for him. By virtue of that one single offering, he has achieved the eternal perfection of all whom he is sanctifying." -- Hebrews 10:12-14

In the spirit of the great mystery of the Easter season, Raised by Wolves will preview the '07 MLB campaign according to the resurrections (and the inverse of resurrections, rotting corpses) within each division. Here's hoping that your team is resurrected, and not a rotting corpse (even you, Cubs fans).

NL West
Tightly packed mediocrity is the name of the game. Can the fogies (Ari's Randy Johnson and SF's Steroid Bear) bring their teams to contention? Probably not, so the Padres will dully limp their way to the division and get swept in the first round again.

It feels like SD, LA, Ari, SF, and Col, but not much difference between them.

Resurrections:

• Steroid Bear - So everyone hates you, you're coming off gimpy knee surgery and the hardest season that even your hellfire-hardened soul has gone through. What do you do? Come back in excellent shape so you can absolutely smash through Hank Aaron's record. It would be tragic, but beautiful, like synchronized swimmers drowning, if the last 98 MPH fastball of the Unit's career bounced off Steroid Bear's noggin while the Unit's balky back snapped in two. All I'm saying is, that's a heck of a Hall of Fame plaque, way better than what they have now.
• Marcus Giles - the Braves' trash is the Padres' new treasure, as they get a decent 2b for bargain basement prices (1 yr, $3.25m), which would only have gotten you about one third of Mark Derosa.

Rotting corpses:

• Randy Johnson - So, you're 41, going on 42. This is your second offseason with surgery. You came off a bad year, albeit pitching in a tougher division. But, nobody writes you off because you've made a career out of being a freak of human physiology. Technically, you should have been DONE about 5 years ago. The Unit can just as easily be in the "resurrection" pile above, except for the fact that he looks like a rotting corpse. He'll probably get a bunch of strikeouts with an ERA in the mid 4.00s.
  

Best version of the NL West:
C - Josh Bard, SD, 1b - Adrian Gonzalez, SD, 2b - Jeff Kent, LA, 3b - Garret Atkins, Col
SS - Rafael Furcal, LA, LF - Steroid Bear, SF, CF - Mike Cameron, SD, RF - Matt Holliday, Col
SP - Brandon Webb, Ari, Randy Johnson, Ari, Jason Schmidt, LA, Jake Peavy, SD,
Chris Young, SD
RP - Trevor Hoffman, SD

NL Central
The Cardinals proved that it's not the best team in the regular season, but the one playing the best ball in October that wins, adding the corollary of "it's good to play against opponents that put up the resistance of a wet sack" (thank you Padres and Tigers). They managed to get weaker in the offseason, and the Cubs spent a pot of gold on free agents. Raised by Wolves is not buying the hype from Milwaukee, as much fun as it would be to have another Midwest team in the playoffs.

Chi, StL, Hou, Mil, Pit, Cin. Yes, I'm actually picking the Cubs to win it. They have less holes in their pitching in a pitching-thin division.

Resurrections:

• Derrek Lee - the real engine for the Cubs' offense, since new acquisition Soriano will only exacerbate the team's weakness, plate discipline. Anybody who goes through that much undeserved personal tragedy, you root for.

Rotting corpses:

• Cubs bullpen - So with the sackful of cash spent (on a CF and 2 SPs), none of that was spent on a closer? Do we really need to recount the Ryan Dempster experience?
• Mark Mulder - Cards are hoping he regains his mojo, but his shoulder might be done. Sad thing, he's only 29.
• Milwaukee Brewers playoff hype (?) - No. They're not as consistently good as the Phillies, and the Phillies haven't made the playoffs since '93.
  

Best version of the NL Central
C - Michael Barrett, Chi, 1b - Albert Pujols, StL, 2b - Adam Kennedy, StL, 3b - Aramis Ramirez, Chi, SS - Adam Everett, Hou (only for defense)
LF - Jason Bay, Pit, CF - Alfonso Soriano, Chi, RF - Lance Berkman, Hou
SP - Roy Oswalt, Hou, Chris Carpenter, StL, Carlos Zambrano, Chi, Rich Hill, Chi, Aaron Harang, Cin
RP - Francisco Cordero, Mil

NL East
Last year was the Mets' year. End of story. Can they get over the hangover from losing a tough series? More importantly, can they overcome losing Pedro? Phillies fans will hate it every minute, but they're the favorites coming in.

Phi, NYM, Fla, Atl, Was. The Nationals are going to be historically bad.

Resurrections:
Miguel Cabrera - Now that he's finally coming in with the understanding that he has to actually stay in shape during the offseason, all the Pujols comparisons might come true. What is it with young millionaires and McDonalds, anyway?

Rotting corpses:
Pedro Martinez - The most dominant pitcher I've ever seen in a 5-6 year period (Clemens and Maddux never had a run like Pedro did from '97-'02), but he's probably done. Sorry bro, there's no bounceback from a torn rotator cuff.

Best version of the NL East
C - Brian McCann, Atl, 1b - Ryan Howard, Phi, 2b - Chase Utley, Phi, 3b - Miguel Cabrera, Fla
SS - Jose Reyes, NYM, LF - Pat Burrell, CF - Carlos Beltran, NYM, RF - Andruw Jones, Atl
SP - Cole Hamels, Phi, Tom Glavine, NYM, John Smoltz, Atl, Dontrelle Willis, Fla, Brett Myers, Phi
RP - Billy Wagner, NYM

AL East
NYY, bye, bye. Raised by Wolves can't get behind the Yankees winning the division again with a starting rotation that includes a broken Andy Pettitte, a crappy Carl Pavano, and gas-guzzling Japanese import Kei Igawa. It's unfortunate, though, that Boston had to become the very Evil Empire that they despise to reach the summit, just like Yoda said would happen if you embraced the Dark Side. The lesson as always, don't mess with Yoda's lunch.

Bos, NYY, Tor, TB, Bal.

Resurrections:

• Daisuke Matsuzaka - Dice-K comes in with better stuff and pedigree than Nomo did in '95, when Nomo led the LAD to a division title and won ROY. Matsuzaka has the same slow-whip, funky delivery but more heat on the fastball, a splitter, and the "gyroball," the firm existence of said pitch residing somewhere in the area code of Amelia Earhart, my vertical leap, and El Chupacabra.
• The good thing about the Yankees falling out of contention is that it means ARod will be a fantasy force again. Hugs and kisses for everybody!
  

Rotting corpses:

• Yankee starting rotation - "Geez, I can smell you from over here." - Texas Ranger, from "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby"
• Curt Schilling -Admits that he didn't pay attention to his conditioning because he was devoting more time to his... video game company. By the way, you're 40 years old, way past whatever statute of limitations there is on miraculous bloody anklets. Fattiness aside, Schill's blog is a pretty great read, particularly the analysis of his pitch sequences.
  

Best version of the AL East
C - Jorge Posada, NYY, 1b - David Ortiz, Bos, 2b - Robinson Cano, NYY, 3b - ARod, NYY
SS - Derek Jeter, NYY, LF - Manny Ramirez, Bos, CF - Vernon Wells, Tor, RF - Carl Crawford, TB, DH - Jason Giambi, NYY
SP - Roy Halladay, Tor, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Bos, Erik Bedard, Bal, Chien-Ming Wang, NYY, Mike Mussina, NYY
RP - Jonathan Papelbon, Bos

AL West
The Angels, after signing good free agent deals (which have gotten worse over the years), have had their window of opportunity quashed by unwilling to part with prospects that never seem to pan out, while the gestalt-minded A's grind to 90 win seasons no matter what the personnel loss (the overrated Zito, this time). Actually, you can insert "Rangers" or "Mariners" in the that first sentence, but the outcome is always the same: A's win. Raised by Wolves is sad that superstars like Vladdy Daddy and Ichiro! are wasting away their prime in loser outposts, and invite them to a happy summer on the south side of Chicago, some time soon. Just putting that out there.

Oak, LAA, Tex, Sea, just like last year.

Resurrections:

• Mike Piazza - the Ahn Fantasy Baseball Favorite. Muhahaha. Plus, those blond tips will go over waay better in Cali then in NY, Mikey. 30 bombs and 100 RBI, Comeback Player of the Year, here we come.

Rotting corpses:

• Rich Harden - the A's really, really think that THIS will finally be the year he stays healthy. Really. They promise. Why not trade him and let someone else deal with the headache? Two straight years of substantial injury time is not bad luck, it's Kerry Wood.
• Eric Gagne - dude, it was a great run. Thanks for the memories, if only for bringing back goggles into professional sports again.
• Gary Matthews, Jr. - Angels sign him to 5/$55m after a career year, then find out that this 180-lb looking dude is accused of steroid use. Sweet.

Best version of the AL West
C- Mike Piazza, 1b - Mark Teixeira, Tex, 2b - Ian Kinsler, Tex, 3b - Chone Figgins, LAA
SS - Michael Young, Tex, LF - Nick Swisher, Oak, CF - Ichiro, Sea, RF - Vlad Guerrero, LAA
DH - Raul Ibanez, Sea
SP - John Lackey, LAA, Dan Haren, Oak, Felix Hernandez, Sea, Ervin Santana, LAA, Rich Harden, Oak
RP - J.J. Putz, Sea

AL Central
In the toughest division in baseball, the Sox can finish anywhere from first to fourth. Considering the issues around an old/overused pitching staff and an offense that is bound to regress after a stellar year, it looks like closer to fourth than first. But, Detroit looks like they have World Series sweep hangover. Minnesota wins with a proven formula of Santana + defense + tough homefield, but they've lost Liriano for the year. Raised by Wolves thinks the Cleveland Native Americans are ready to take their turn, but can't stomach their awful bullpen and field manager. Even KC is playing guys with actual talent, now. It'll be another wild finish, with the top two advancing to the post season.

Min, Cle, Chi, Det, KC

Resurrections:

• Gary Sheffield - Great trade, paying just for a year, and addressing an obvious on-base percentage deficit in the lineup. This has "Thome traded to the Sox in '06" written all over it.

Rotting corpses:

• Scott Podsednik - Despite being OddTodd's favorite, he seems to have ceased to do anything well on a baseball field, the proof being perennial rotting corpse Darin Erstad (DARIN ERSTAD) looking like an all-star in comparison. Winning is great, but Raised by Wolves thinks the Sox playing only 8 in the field might be too prohibitive. My kingdom for an Ichiro.
• Cleveland bullpen - You underperform by 11 wins (according to Pythagoras) in 2006, mostly due to relief pitching, so naturally you pick up Joe Borowski and Roberto Hernandez, and invite Keith Foulke to spring training for 2007, maybe accidentally thinking this was 2001? or 1999?
• Kenny Rogers - please get this overrated ragarm soft-tosser out of my house, please. Cuz he kills my team. Blood clot? Maybe it's all that "resin" you have on your hand.
  

Best version of the AL Central
C - Joe Mauer, Min, 1b - Justin Morneau, Min, 2b - The Gooch, Sox, 3b - Joe Crede, Sox
SS - Carlos Guillen, Det, LF - Gary Sheffield, Det , CF - Grady Sizemore, Cle, RF - Jermaine Dye, Sox, DH - Jim Thome, Sox
SP - Johan Santana, Min, Jon Garland, Sox, Jeremy Bonderman, Det, Justin Verlander, Det, C.C. Sabathia, Cle
RP - Joe Nathan, Min

Baseball's back! Happy Easter!

good friday

"Crucifixion" by Masaccio, 1426.

"See, my servant will prosper, he shall be lifted up, exalted, rise to great heights. As the crowds were appalled on seeing him – so disfigured did he look that he seemed no longer human – so will the crowds be astonished at him, and kings stand speechless before him; for they shall see something never told and witness something never heard before." -- Isaiah 52:13-15

brother and baseball

Thursday, April 5

Dear Friends in Christ,

One day during my ethics class last semester, we were discussing the theme of friendship. More specifically, what the goal of friendship is: to love or to be loved? For Christians, the response is obvious in Christ's supreme love culminating on the cross by which He commands us, "Love one another as I have loved you" (Jn 15:12). And yet I was faced with a dilemma: If the goal is to love, in being altruistic and in seeking the good of the other, why do I instead often find myself seeking to be loved? Like all persons, I have the vocation to love and of being a man for others, and yet in examining my relationships (especially in THE relationship par excellence with God) I am aware of the constant tendency in seeking to be loved first by others. How then am I to evolve from seeking to be loved into loving first?

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us… We love, because He first loved us" (1 Jn 4:10,19). God loved us FIRST, not the other way around. The creative act is that which makes God the creator and us his creatures, and being the creator necessarily implies that He loved us first. It is in God's very nature to love first, and being creatures, it is thus natural for us in seeking to be loved by Him. The fact that God loves first means that His love cannot be purchased. God does not love because we deserve to be loved but because He wants to and must give it freely. During my sophomore year at the University of Illinois, one day I was at Mass in line to receive Communion. At that moment this thought occurred to me: How would I respond if Jesus through the priest, right before offering me the Eucharist were to say, "The Body of Christ… wait, not today, Edward. Come back when you are more worthy of me. When you are able to love me as I ought to be loved". I would have been terrified had I not been able to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, my daily Bread, and yet it would have been completely justified had I not received Him… And in that moment after having received the Eucharist, I was so grateful for the Love that loves without limit. God beckons each one of us, "Come, come as you are", that is, come in the condition that you are in now. God does not wait for a more opportune time to love, but loves us immediately and totally, precisely because he knows that our existence depends on His love, because we need to be loved. Because without Him, we would not even be capable of loving first.

"We love, because He first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19). The wonder of God's Love is the ennobling effect of its recipient. That God loved first and that we have been loved by Him is by no means a stagnant reality. Rather, having experienced the utter fullness of His Infinite Love (Eph 3:18), we are transformed and invested with the capacity to become authentic lovers ourselves! It is God Himself, who having loved first, enacts us to be persons who no longer seek to be loved, but who love first. This is the gospel message, the Good News: God loved us first and we are loved by Him, and as a consequence, WE too are now able to love others first! It is thus we are able to respond generously and courageously to Christ's imperative to all Christians "love one another as I have loved you" (Jn 15:12). May the knowledge of the imminent Resurrection of Christ fill you with peace and joy as well as the desire to share the love with which God has loved you with others by loving first. A Blessed Triduum and Happy Easter!

In Jesus and Mary,
Edward

Ed's gotten a lot better as a writer since going off to seminary.

It's still been strange to be at "home" but I've slowly started to allow myself a few personal indulgences after having relatively few. I was sad (but also nerdily ashamed) that I was missing out on the NCAA tournament and pretty much all of spring training, so naturally, I got up this morning, checked my email, did morning prayer with a breviary I found lying around, and drafted a fantasy baseball team (roto scoring, picking 8th out of 12). Ah, relief.

Round, player

1. Carlos Beltran, NYM, OF - Santana already taken, Howard and Ortiz still on the board, still feels too high to take someone like Chase Utley or Carl Crawford. But, I've never picked him before, so...
2. Lance Berkman, Hou, 1b-OF - a personal favorite from the All Big-Boned Team
3. Roy Oswalt, Hou, SP - he's been on one of my teams ever since he got called up midseason 2001.
4. Rafael Furcal, LAD, SS - Whoops, didn't know he was injured. Could've taken Michael Young, but wanted speed over power, and Furcal was the last decent speed guy at SS. Yargh.
   
5. Brian Roberts, Bal, 2b - Did I take him too high? Another Ahn loyalty pick from year-to-year.
6. Paul Konerko, Sox, 1b - Still good for 35-100, I think, although Delgado might've been a better choice here. The hometown thing won out. On another note, Thome is not 1b-eligible this year, and gets taken two rounds later. Grrr. But, still looking good.
   
7. Cole Hamels, Phi, SP - One of those Young Starting Pitchers with lots of Upside and good strikeout rates (TM) that fantasy nerds rave about. Kinda like the anti-Mark Buehrle.
8. Mike Piazza, Oak, C - Catcher eligible, but will mostly DH. Oakland's had great luck with getting good years out of fading hitters (i.e. John Jaha, Frank Thomas, etc). I'm pretty sure he can double up any other catcher's production, except for Mauer.
9. Ricky Bobby Jenks, Sox, RP - Why did that nickname not occur to me earlier?
10. Dan Haren, Oak, SP - Young Starting Pitcher with good Upside (TM) a few years ago, now is more like Solid but Unknown Guy.
    
11. Brian Fuentes, Col, RP - I hate it when everyone else starts taking relief pitchers so it forces you to do so, or else you're left with Bobby Thigpen and Rollie Fingers. At least I have two now, so I can concentrate on something else.
12. Rich Hill, ChiC, SP - Young Starting Pitcher with good Upside (TM), even if he is a Cub.
13. Dave Roberts, SF, OF - Noticed that everyone is fishing for stolen bases, so this is trade bait for later. I have gaping holes at SS and 3b.
    
14. Luke Scott, Hou, OF - my favorite sleeper pick for '07. I think he's Lance Berkman, Part Dos.
    
15. Joe Crede, Sox, 3b - Not bad for the 15th round, but I'd like to upgrade here. I don't think I've ever had this many Sox players on my fantasy team. He's not the best, but at least JC won't embarrass me.
16. Brandon Phillips, Cin, 2b - Should I really have taken Brian Roberts that early?
17. Barry Bonds, SF, OF - Yes, yes, I know. But the Steroid Bear is on a mission, and he looks healthy, and it's the 17th round, ok?
18. Adam Wainwright, StL, SP-RP - Young Starting Pitcher with good Upside (TM)
19. Dave Bush, Mil, SP - Young Starting Pitcher with good Upside (TM). One of the main reasons why Milwaukee is being touted as a contender, although I still don't get why.
20. Frank Thomas, Tor, Util - Muhahahaha.
    
21. Justin Duchscherer, Oak, RP - Pronounced "duck-sure," as in, "I am duck-sure that Huston Street will get injured again."
    

Also, clearly, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

finally "home"

... just in time for Easter.

Got in last night after driving most of the day from just outside of Atlanta.

Sorry for anyone who was expecting retreat tour updates here; they're mostly on MI Youth's LiveJournal, complete with links to photos and such.

We *only* did 4 retreats, 5 parish-related evening presentations, and 1 leadership training day in our 6 weeks of retreat ministry, but it sure seemed like a lot more. All that driving took up a lot of time:

• Los Angeles to Seattle - 1136 miles
• Seattle to Corvallis, OR to Chino Hills, CA - 1174 miles
• Chino Hills, CA to Albuquerque, NM - 774 miles
• Albuquerque, NM to Ponchatoula, LA - 1137 miles
• Ponchatoula, LA to Newnan, GA - 449 miles
• Newnan, GA to Chicago, IL - 749 miles

That adds up to 5419 miles, not including mileage accrued at the locations. Pretty close to 900-1000 miles a week. I guess I'm not crazy if I feel tired. No way to put a measure on all the moments of grace, challenge, and poverty that we encountered, though.

But it's great, beyond anything. I'm going to cloister myself until after Easter because I don't feel ready to interface with the world yet. I still feel like a nomad; my room and my house feel strange and unfamiliar.

first stop on the road: Seattle

Jun trying to push a Melinda-flavored donut down the hill.

First stop in Washington camp was great. It was a relatively easier program to do, but more significant for MAX2007 because it allowed the team members to finally feel out some definitive roles on the retreat. Up until now, we've been on retreat ourselves, getting ourselves ready to hit the road, attuning ourselves to the spiritual tone of the tour (through Pope Benedict's 2007 message to youth), getting to know one another by living in community, and driving all over place (and getting snowed in between California and Oregon). It showed me how people will work in a retreat environment, and how we can deliver the theme of "Love one another as I have loved you" (John 13:34). It was satisfying to start doing what we set out to do, and then see the love and camaraderie and prayer come together in a cohesive, effective way. The miracles along the way have been numerous and astounding just to get to this point, even getting the vehicles to ride in. Situational poverty has never been this fun.

We head out for Corvallis tomorrow.

flags + letters

Last week, saw Flags of Our Fathers in the second run theater nearby (can't beat $2 for a movie), then saw its (not sequel) companion? Counterpart? in Letters from Iwo Jima yesterday.

I don't remember an instance where two movies that came out in a very short space of time showed two sides of the same event, so that, and the war stuff, got my attention. Neither of the films is really pro-American or pro-Japanese (or anti-, either). Like most poignant war films, the point was more about the universal suffering that goes on regardless of political or ethnic affiliations in armed conflicts, including the moral ambiguity, the homesickness, the red tape that can rears its head at the most inopportune times, and the camaraderie. The treatment never felt sentimental, or pretentious, or unnecessarily glorifying of the hero ethic. It hit the emotional notes just right.

Flags of Our Fathers:


Letters from Iwo Jima:


Taking Sunday for the west coast, warm weather, the ocean, and getting ready for retreats. Here we go.

new addiction

Finetune, for those of you who like making playlists for online radios and finding out about new music that matches your taste. Pandora is fun, also.

Warning: totally, hopelessly addictive for music lovers.

a word from Ed

Feast of the Presentation of the Lord

Dear Friends in Christ,

Each morning I slowly recite, "Our Father... thy will be done" of the Lord's Prayer as I ask God that that which I know in thought and profess in words may become realized in deed. Holiness consists one thing: complete loyalty to the will of God. The saints who lived came in all shapes and sizes: men and women, consecrated and married vocations, young and old, yet their uniting characteristic was that of perfect obedience to God's will during their lifetime. Complete loyalty to the Divine Will may be the single greatest challenge known to man precisely because it involves the renunciation of our will. Humans tend to tenaciously guard their free will and unyielding when opposed. A brief examination of our preferences, daily choices, manner of doing what we want, when we want, and how we want it, illustrates this point. I recently heard a meditation entitled, "The Maturation of the Vocation", dealing with vocation in reference to the Divine Will. The speaker referred to vocation as the response to God's calling and that unwillingness to renounce your own plans for responding to the vocation would ultimately destroy it. One cannot serve love affirming oneself...

I have been absolutely enamored with Sanctity ever since I realized that it was the one pursuit in life worthy of investing my every endeavor. I never cease to be inspired in reading the lives of the Saints and in zealous moments swear that I will not settle for anything less than His infused presence in the Transforming Union in this life. The meditation I heard served as a good examination of conscience. Jesus tells us, "Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in Heaven" (Mt 7:21). I thought about the fact that many people serve God, but how many serve Him in the manner in which He desires to be served by adhering to the Divine Will? For a servant unwilling to listen is of no use to his master. "Do I really love the will of God? Am I willing to do whatever it takes in being loyal?" I realized that as noble as my desire for holiness may be it is still in need of purification. I reflected upon the life of Maurice Bellière (the adopted spiritual child of St. Thérèse of Lisieux), a man with whom I could identify who was filled with magnanimous aspirations in serving God on the missions through preaching the Gospel in Africa and gaining the crown of martyrdom. His life didn't unfold quite like he would have expected. He was never considered to be a great man of heroic virtue by anyone who knew him while his experience in the missions left him somewhat deluded. He would eventually contract a fatal disease which would definitively conclude his missionary career and toward the end of his life went out of his mind passing away in relative obscurity in an insane asylum at the age of 33. I desire to be the type of saint John Vianney and Thérèse of Lisieux lived to be, but would I be willing to forego my glorious notion of sanctity for a humiliating one like that of Maurice Bellière if God so willed??? Even for the saints, it was not always easy deferring their will to God's. Three times, St. Paul asks for liberation from a thorn in the flesh (2 Cor 12:7-9) which God does not grant. St. Louis IX preferred the monastic life to being a ruler and only out of obedience to the Divine Will was King of France. Saint John Vianney, who heard the confessions of penitents for over four decades sometimes up to 17 hours daily, several times fled from his parish seeking a more contemplative life yet always returned in obedience. If we are not completely loyalty to the Divine Will, let us ask God to at least make us want to be loyal to Him. "Lord, help me want to be what you want me to be".

On this World Day of Prayer for Consecrated Life, let us pray for all Priests, Religious, and Consecrated persons, that they may be a witness of the total self-donation to God they have professed and live their vocation to Holiness through complete loyalty to the Divine Will.

In Jesus and Mary,

Edward

Super Bowl magic

Actual email exchange between me and Max this week (I'll take out the smiley faces to protect the identity of the innocent):

Max:
it just hit me, your team [Sox] won when you were unemployed. Now that we're
both unemployed, the Bears have to win!

me:
Also, in 98 when we graduated, and when I was FIRST unemployed, even the fricking Cubs made it to the playoffs as the wildcard, and I was unemployed when the Chubbies won the division in 2003, and then there was 2005 of course, and now. Weird.

Max:
Ah, the Cubs curse develops further. If the Cubs make it to the playoffs & want to win, they should make sure the Gat has a job.

Other than us and most of Chicago, there isn't anyone in America that gives the Bears a chance. I know better than to prognosticate, but here's what the BEHRS need to do to see if Coach Ditka can still shuffle:

1. Peyton Manning knows all about the Cover 2, since Lovie got it from Indy coach Tony Dungy. The teams that have given Indy and Manning the most trouble have been 3-4 teams like Pittsburgh and New England. Lots of pressure on Urlacher and the safeties to make every tackle, because I don't think there'll be much of a pass rush generated by the front four.
2. Rex will need to deliver in some difficult situations, mostly due to the fact that the Bears' line hasn't faced a speed rusher like Dwight Freeney off the edge all season, meaning fumbles/interceptions. Staring down the barrel of a 3rd or 4th and long, can he do it? If the Bears get down late, can he bring them back?
   
3. A big one from the Windy City Flyer.
   
4. The one or two horrendous passes Manning throws into the numbers of the defense (he ends up outsmarting himself, and throws a laser right at a corner, almost Favre-like), they gotta catch and score it, not just get good field position.
   
5. Hopefully Peyton can choke on the bile from tasting his own legacy being cemented, after never beating Florida in college, and taking 4 attempts to beat New England. You know he's thought about all of the magazine articles and TV pieces if he doesn't get this one. Heck, he even has to win for his dad. That's way too much pressure on one guy, and I'm thinking he'll pull an A-Rod. Even A-Rod doesn't have to win for his dad.

I could use some good luck on Saturday at the job fair, too.

meh

Darin Erstad, the ersatz loot for the once-proposed deal for Jon Garland, signed a one year deal with the Sox last week. This is good news in the light of Podsednik out for 6-8 weeks with sports hernia surgery. Erstad is a lefthanded bat off the bench that can play above average defense in all outfield spots and first base. Basically, he takes Gload's role, with + defense and - offense. I think anyone watching Rob Mackowiak, poor soul, "play" center field last year realized that the Sox needed an upgrade. Erstad is also a Gold Lover (TM) at first base, and although he shares Podsednik's crappiness against lefties, at least he can catch the damn ball, and he should be a more than adequate fourth outfielder. An outfield of Pods, Anderson, Dye with Erstad backing up is great, and Erstad, Anderson, Dye is an excellent defensive outfield.

Please note that said "FOURTH" outfielder above. Ozzie demonstrated very often last year that he had no problem taking Anderson out because of his offensive deficiencies, which ended up hurting the team more than he seemed to realize. Now with a shiny piece that has the Proven Winner tag on him, I think Ozzie might be even more tempted to sit Anderson and keep Erstad in the lineup even after Podsednik comes back. Just in case anybody is still hung over from Erstad's breakout 2000 season, he hasn't been an above average offensive contributor (OPS+ under 100 since 2001) since then, or been particularly healthy. It's not too hard to fathom that freaking Erstad could be an obstacle to Anderson, Ryan Sweeney, AND Josh Fields.

So, basically, I'd like to see lots of this:



And not a lot of this:


This is ok, though:


Darin Erstad is the intelligence litmus test for Ozzie. Are we doomed to see the same Ozzie mistakes from the past, or has the newer, less openly homophobic Oswaldo turned a new leaf.

how i spent my friday

credo

"The Last Judgment," Michelangelo, 1541, detail

"Christianity is through-and-through an eschatological faith. It holds that the murky transactions of our sin-clouded history stand under the gaze of a divine justice that will assert itself in final confrontation at the Ultimate Moment (to Eschaton)... To have an eschatological faith is to have a 'synchronic' faith, one in which eternity is continually intersecting -- literally, cutting across -- time. We are created now, at every now. Christ comes now; the Incarnation is now. The great judgment is now. 'The accomplishment of everything impends' (1 Peter 4:7). That is the good news Jesus came to bring. Believing it is what makes me Catholic."

-- Garry Wills, Why I Am A Catholic

miami. my mammy.

I got everything I wanted on Sunday. Well. Just two things:

1. The Bears going to the Super Bowl, and
   
2. playing the Colts when they get there.

BEHRS can't pass block, but the run blocking was superb as TJones and Cedric rolled to almost two hundee on the ground. Conversely, the D was stout against the run, holding Bush/McAllister to 56 yards.

Rex didn't screw anything up.

Colts, with the legacy wobbly Manning at the helm, finally exorcised the Patriot Mystique (TM), with quarterback/philanthropist/golden boy Brady throwing the game sealing interception. I wanted the Colts to win because Sprint/MasterCard schill Peyton Manning will discover that if he thought the pressure to GET to a Super Bowl was intense, wait until he feels the pressure to WIN one if he's favored (the early line has the Colts favored by 7). I think he's going to shrivel up like a cold day at the beach.

Predictions for the Big Game later. Right now, I'm bathing in the euphoria.

If the BEHRS can actually pull this thing out (can it happen?! are we actually talking about this?!) then the onus falls more squarely on the Cubs to win something, the Chicago media being the killjoy it is.

This feels similarly magical to the White Sox postseason run in 2005, although baseball sustains a longer tenure of intensity because of the mulitple game format, whereas football is more spastic. The common denominator being my lack of employment. 2005? No job. Spring of 2007? No job. If the BEHRS get this one, it's a little bit of a weird coincidence. I will be looking to be permanently employed, mostly for the benefits of having a job, but also so it ensures that another Chicago pro team won't win something. The obvious hole in this argument is that I'd like for the Sox to win it again, but at the cost of being unemployed again... ? We'll think about that later.